Borderline Personality? No Excuses
Published: Wed, 09/16/09
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope you're doing good
today.
"It's not my fault."
How many times have we
heard that?
There is some truth to it when
it comes to borderline personality
disorder.
It isn't your loved one's fault
that they have the disorder.
But if you continually hear the words
"It's not my fault" from your loved
one when they exhibit unacceptable
behavior, then that's something
different.
Then they're using it as an excuse.
It's true that they can say that it's not
their fault that they have borderline
personality disorder, but it's not true
that the disorder is responsible for
ALL their behavior.
They do have choices.
They can choose to act appropriately,
or they can choose not to, in many
cases.
In my main course and resource, I
talk about behaviors common to those
with borderline personality disorder.
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
There are some things that your
loved one can't help, that's true.
Their "clingy" behavior, for one
thing.
Fear of abandonment is a core
characteristic for people with
borderline personality disorder.
So it would be no surprise if your
loved one acted out on this.
They have a deep-seated fear
that you will leave them.
You don't even have to threaten
it, or make it real -
If it is real to them, they will react
to it.
People with borderline personality
disorder also have problems with
interpersonal relationships.
So if you have problems with your
relationship with your loved one,
it could be partly from the borderline
personality disorder itself.
But it's not an excuse to treat you
disrespectfully.
There is such a thing as "splitting,"
when it comes to borderline personality
disorder, too.
That's where your loved one will
act like they love you one minute
and hate you the next.
But again, it's not an excuse.
Having the disorder is one thing,
but taking responsibility for their
actions is another thing.
Some things are learned behavior
for them.
Others are choices they make.
And there is no excuse for bad
choices.
If your loved one is not in therapy,
you cannot expect to have a good
relationship, because they will keep
doing their negative behaviors.
They will only get better through
treatment.
Some symptoms can be alleviated
with medication.
But for the most part, unless your
loved one is in extensive, long-term
therapy, your situation will not change,
because they will not change.
If your loved one gets angry quite a
bit, that could be from their borderline
personality disorder.
However, if they rage at you, that is
unacceptable behavior.
You shouldn't have to take the brunt
of their anger and rage.
But the only way they are going to
change is if they are WILLING to
change.
They need to understand how their
behavior makes you feel.
You will have to tell them, or they
will never know.
They cannot read your mind.
The difficult part is finding a way
to tell them how you feel without
making them angry.
You can do it.
Just try to be as non-threatening
as you can be.
It's usually when your loved one
feels threatened that they will act
out on their negative behavior.
And don't fight with them - it will
just make things worse, and you
will never win.
Try to be as gentle and understanding
as you can be when sharing your
feelings with your loved one.
But DO share them.
Especially when what they do hurts
you.
Have you been able to share your
feelings with your loved one?
What happened?
Your Friend,
Dave
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml