Borderline Supporter, Is It Worth It?
Published: Wed, 11/04/09
Hi ,
How are you today?
I hope you're having a great day.
You know, I have this guy who works
for me, and sometimes, honestly, he
drives me crazy.
Makes me wonder why I hired him in
the first place.
Makes ME flaky sometimes, too!
Just trying to keep up with him is
one of the most difficult parts of
our relationship.
Some days he even yells at me.
Some days he sends a lot of
emails.
Some days he just disappears
on me and is totally unreachable!
We fight over things sometimes -
between the way I want them done
and the way he thinks we should
do it.
But I'll tell you what -
I'll tell you why I still have him
working for me in spite of all the
drama and chaos he brings to it.
Here it is:
He is a genius at what he does.
I haven't been able to find
anyone else who can do what this
man does even half as well as he
does it.
So what do I do?
I put up with his behavior.
I listen to him rant and rave.
I let him shout.
We have our differences, and
usually he wins.
Because I can't replace him.
He is the best at what he does.
So, basically, I take the good with
the bad because it's worth it.
That's one of the things I talk
about in my main course and
resource on borderline personality
disorder.
That you have to take the bad with
the good.
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You might be going through the
same thing that I'm going through
with this worker.
You may get yelled at.
You may fight (or they may fight,
and you always lose).
You may have to listen to shouting.
You may be called names (I know
that I have, the biggest one being
that I'm a liar - not true, but he
thinks it is).
You may be accused of doing things
that you never did (I know that I
have with this one guy).
A lot of negative things may
happen.
But you have to ask yourself:
Is this worth it?
I'm asking you to take the bad
with the good, just like I do with
this worker for me.
I hate the way he acts sometimes,
don't get me wrong.
I don't like being abused.
But I also appreciate his gifts
and talents.
In the end, after the turmoil is
all over, I do believe it's worth
it.
Because he's not this way all the
time.
And I'm sure your loved one is
not this way all the time either.
So you learn to take the bad with
the good.
There are normal periods when
they don't act that way at all.
Those are the moments to
cherish.
Those are the times to dwell
upon.
Try to be as optimistic as you can
be, and think about your loved one
when they are doing well.
The bad times will become fewer
as they get closer to recovery.
But to get you through the
meantime, think about them as they
are when they're "normal."
When they're not acting out.
I'm sure there are more of those
times than the other, negative
times.
And always keep in mind that they
have a mental illness - that some of
what they do, at least, is because of
their borderline personality disorder.
So ask yourself:
Is it worth it?
Your Friend,
Dave
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