Borderline? Go to the Mental Gym
Published: Wed, 10/07/09
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope you're doing well.
You know I work out in the gym
a lot, right?
And that's where I see and hear
some of the craziest things.
It's like some of these guys think
they have the answer to all the
problems in the world.
Just the other day there was a
lengthy discussion going on about
the recession and the state of our
economy.
Now, I'm talking about your
stereotypical male-testosterone
driven guy who works out.
Usually I can't even listen to their
discussions, because they are so
stupid.
But this one caught my ear.
One guy said we just needed to
send out some more stimulus payments.
Another guy said, "What recession?"
(You know what I think about him!)
Someone said, "I know this recession
is going to be over soon, and things
will be back to normal."
I wanted to ask them where they were
getting their opinions from, the Sears
and Robuck catalog?
I know, I know, I'm always advocating
not to judge people, but come on,
these were not exactly intelligent
approaches to what is obviously a
real problem for most of us (I'm sure
there are still a few really rich people
who are weathering this recession with
no problems, but they are not in the norm).
I had to bite my tongue to keep from
saying something to this conversation.
But the truth is, we ARE in a recession,
and the economy doesn't look to be
much different any time soon.
So what should we do?
We live within our means. We don't
make large purchases. We save up some
money. We live on a budget. These
are concrete suggestions.
Which, I'm sure, some of these guys
would have thought of if they had
exercised their mind as much as their
body.
I don't talk about it in those words
exactly, but I do talk about it in my
main course and resource below:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
You do need to exercise your mind
when it comes to borderline personality
disorder.
That means, for one thing, not just
following what other people say, but
coming up with your own answers.
Like at support group -
Someone may suggest something
for your loved one, but you need to
filter it through your own "mental
gym" and see if it fits.
Exercise your own thoughts and
suggestions.
If you've been doing the same thing
over and over again and it hasn't
worked, try to think of something
else to try.
For example, if when your loved one
fights with you (over whatever), do
you always answer back, maybe
defend yourself?
Well, if you're being falsely accused,
how can you defend yourself?
And will your loved one listen
to you?
Will it get you anywhere to fight
back with your loved one?
No, it usually won't, and it will make
the situation worse.
So go work out at your mental gym
for a little while.
What can you do differently?
Maybe the next time she fights with
you, you can say to your loved one:
"I can see that you're very upset
about this. Why don't we discuss it
when you are calmer?"
Be careful how you say it, though,
so it doesn't come out in a patronizing
way.
This would just make the fighting
worse.
When you're facing a problem that
doesn't seem to have an apparent
solution...
Go to your mental gym.
Start brainstorming solutions to
your problem.
Write them down.
Even if they don't seem possible,
write them down anyway (someone
once said, "The impossible just
takes a little longer.").
Just anything that comes to your
mind.
Somewhere, among these things
on the list, will be the solution to
your answer.
That's how you exercise in your
mental gym.
What do you think of this idea?
Your Friend,
Dave
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