Borderline Supporter - Is Your Chair Straight?
Published: Mon, 10/12/09
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope you're having a good
day.
I read something the other day
that I thought was quite interesting.
I liked what it said:
"Every relationship rests on three
legs: accepting, supporting, and
challenging."
Your relationship with your loved
one with borderline personality disorder
isn't much different than any other
relationship when it comes to this.
First, you want your relationship
to be grounded on accepting each
other as you are.
When your loved one is in their normal
periods, they should do that.
Your thoughts, feelings, and
opinions are valuable, and you have
a right to have them.
Just as your loved one should.
Obviously, when your loved one is
acting out, their respect toward you
will not be the same as normal.
But it's just as hard for you to
accept your loved one as they are,
too, isn't it?
Especially when they are out of
control.
That's why I teach in my main course
and resource that you have to separate
your loved one from their disorder.
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
When your loved one is out of
control is when you especially
need to think of them when they're
normal, or else it might overwhelm
you.
By separating your loved one from
their borderline personality disorder,
it will be easier for you to accept them
as they are.
So that's the first leg of the chair:
ACCEPTING.
The second leg of the chair is:
SUPPPORTING.
Well, you might be thinking, I
already do that!
But what I read said that in order
for the chair to be straight, you
need to:
"Support each other through the
inevitable ups and downs."
Boy, you'd think this person knew
all about borderline personality disorder,
wouldn't you?
Because sometimes supporting a
loved one with borderline personality
disorder can really feel like a roller-
coaster ride, there are so many ups
and downs.
So, again, by learning how to separate
your loved one from their disorder, it
can be easier to support them through
both their ups and their downs.
The third leg of the chair is:
CHALLENGING
It says, "challenging each other to
become more, to grow, to flourish."
Well, there's no disputing that dealing
with a loved one with borderline
personality disorder is challenging.
But this is talking about something
different.
This is talking about taking that
challenging aspect and use it to make
each other better together than you
would be apart.
You won't be able to grow if, for
example, you have resentment against
your loved one.
You need to deal with that resentment,
as well as any other negative feelings
you are having toward your loved
one.
Separating them from their disorder
can help you do that as well.
So the first thing you have to do to
make your chair straight is to accept
your loved one as they are.
And the only way you can do this
is to separate them from their
borderline personality disorder.
It also helps to think of how they
are in their normal periods, for
those times when they are not.
The second thing you have to do
to make your chair straight is to
support your loved one through
their ups and downs, which you
know they're going to have just
because they have borderline
personality disorder.
It's easy to support someone who
is acting the way you want them
to act.
It's much harder to support them
when they are acting out.
So, again, you have to concentrate
on what they're like when they're
in a normal period.
Continue to separate them from
their borderline personality disorder.
The third thing you have to do to
keep your chair straight is possibly
the hardest - to challenge each other
to be your best.
After all, you do want to be the best
supporter you can be, while at the
same time being the best person you
can be.
What about you?
Is YOUR chair straight?
Your Friend,
Dave
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help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml