Borderline? Can You Do This?
Published: Mon, 11/30/09
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope you're doing well.
You know that I go to many
support groups, right?
Well, at many of them, or many
times at least, there are people
who just complain.
They complain about everything.
They complain about their
loved one.
They complain about their loved
one's disorder.
They complain about life in general
and their life in specific.
These people are also blamers.
They don't take responsibility for
the way they feel or the situation
they're in.
And you sure can't tell them to
change things!
Because they know the ways things
should be.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not an
eavesdropper.
Some of these people are so loud
that you can't help but hear what
they say.
And when they corner you and
complain directly to you, what can
you do?
These people could definitely
benefit from my main course and
resource on borderline personality
disorder.
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
No, I don't promise in my main course
and resource that everything will come
up roses.
But I also don't concentrate on all
the bad times and the negative aspects
of being a supporter.
I want to tell them, "Look, you chose
this. You chose to be a supporter. So
why complain about it?"
It's because they would rather complain
than do something to change the situation
that bothers me.
I admire people who make changes.
It's expected of people who have
borderline personality disorder.
But I think it should also be expected
of supporters as well.
Otherwise, it's not fair.
The only way your loved one can
get better with borderline is to
make changes in their life.
But you need to make changes,
too.
You need to adapt to their changes
as they go along the process of
recovery.
You need to be flexible.
Can you do this?
Can you be flexible and change
WITH your loved one?
For many supporters it's hard,
because they concentrate on
the negative aspects of the
illness.
Which is understandable,
because the rough parts are
really rough.
It's hard for some supporters to
forgive their loved ones for what
they do during acting out
episodes.
They hold onto that anger and
resentment, which doesn't help
the situation at all.
It just makes them feel worse.
These are the supporters who
are just waiting for the other shoe
to drop -
They think another acting out
episode is right around the corner.
Then they just can't relax.
They can't trust their loved one,
no matter how hard they're
trying to change their behavior.
You need to stay optimistic.
Things will get better.
They will just take time.
You need to be more patient
as well.
No change happens overnight.
It may take more understanding
on your part than you knew you
could give.
It may mean putting up with the
good as well as the bad.
But if you see that your loved one
is willing to change, count that as
a good thing.
Because many people with
borderline personality disorder
won't change - don't want to
change - see no need for change.
Those people cannot recover until
they realize that they HAVE to
change.
So I ask you, can you be flexible?
Can you give your loved one the
time they need to make the
necessary changes?
Can you take the good with the bad?
Your Friend,
Dave
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml