Borderline? Keep This in Mind for the Holidays
Published: Mon, 12/14/09
Hi ,
How are you doing today?
I hope it's a good day for you.
Can you believe how crowded the stores
are getting with all the Christmas shoppers
out now?
Everyone's trying to get a good deal.
There are tons of sale papers out.
It is encouraging to see that, even in
our economy, people are still able to
celebrate Christmas by getting gifts
for their loved ones.
Just try to stay away from the malls -
they are crazy!
What I wanted to talk to you about
today is PLANNING.
Planning in general, planning ahead,
planning for loved one's possibly
bazaar and disruptive behavior.
These are some of the things I
include in my main course and resource,
but I think they bear repeating here
because of the holidays.
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
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The holidays bring with them more
stress on your loved one, and they
may act out.
Sometimes a supporter of a loved one
with borderline personality disorder
can predict their loved one's mood
changes and other borderline behavior,
and other supporters cannot.
This has something to do with how
long you have been with your loved
one as well as how observant you are.
Before you can plan what to do about
something, you first have to define what
that something is.
For example, let's take your loved one's
mood swings.
Unfortunately, at holiday time, they may
be prone to more mood swings than ever.
This could be due to the excitement of
the holidays, or due to stress they feel
more at this time than at other times.
You should be able to tell when your
loved one's moods shift, especially if
it involves an extreme mood shift.
Their behavior will change, most
certainly.
Once you experience this, you should
be able to spot it when it happens
again.
Your loved one will have certain
observable patterns to their mood
swings.
For example, they may come home
from work one day and be in a
really bad mood.
They may be forthcoming about the
reason why, or it may be more subtle
than that, and you have to try to
figure it out.
The main thing is that you identify
the problem - that your loved one is
in a bad mood.
Usually, the reason behind it isn't even
important - they will probably act
(or react) the same way no matter what
set them off into a bad mood.
The really challenging thing about
this is that they may take their bad mood
out on you.
However, again, there should be a
pattern to this that you can identify.
Your loved one will probably exhibit
certain behaviors -
Such as having a "grumpy" or angry
look on their face...
Giving you dirty looks...
Slamming doors...
Pushing things around...
Pacing angrily...
etc.
They will probably express some of
this anger and frustration verbally.
They may take their frustration out
on you.
Their borderline behavior (the
negative aspects of it) may be
directed toward you.
They may blame you for their
bad mood, even if you didn't cause
it.
They may yell at you...
Call you names...
Belittle you...
Criticize you...
Humiliate you...
Rage at you...
Pick a fight with you...
Etc.
You know, their usual acting out
behavior.
Only, in this case, there is no way
that you are responsible.
So what do you do?
Well, here's what you DON'T DO:
You don't fight back with them.
Remember our example, that it
has something to do with what
happened at work, and nothing
to do with you.
So don't take it personally.
Try to be as impartial, understanding,
and supportive as you can be - within
limits.
You should already have boundaries
in place for their treatment of you.
Use them, but don't argue.
Eventually the mood will pass.
What are some of the things that you
do when your loved one comes home
in a bad mood?
Your Friend,
Dave
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