Borderline Supporter? How Would You Deal With This
Published: Mon, 01/04/10
Hi ,
How's it going for you today?
I hope you're having a good day.
The other day I was in the store,
and there was this mother who had
a small child in her cart.
This child was screaming and
yelling and crying, and causing
quite an uproar.
You could tell the mother was
frazzled.
She was all red in the face, and
you could tell she was frustrated
and embarrassed.
She got to the point where she was
actually begging her child to stop
screaming and yelling and crying.
Not that it did any good.
This child was in full tantrum
mode.
Do you know why?
Because he wasn't getting his way.
That's it.
A full tantrum because he wasn't
getting his way.
And you could tell how helpless
this mother felt.
I felt sorry for her.
How does this relate to
borderline personality disorder,
you might be asking yourself
at this point.
Well, I'll tell you.
I got an email from a borderline
supporter that pretty much gives
the same scene, but in the adult
version.
Here it is:
"Dave,
My girlfriend caused the worst
scene in the store the other day.
She wanted me to buy her a
necklace, but it was too expensive
for my wallet. Dave, she threw
an absolute fit! Like a kid's tantrum
right in the store! I was so shook
up. I tried to reason with her, but
I couldn't get anywhere with her!
She wanted that thing, and nothing
was going to stop her! She even
started screaming and yelling at me,
saying that I never do anything for
her. I was so embarrassed. I wanted
to walk out on her right then and
there. Dave, I do so much for her it
isn't funny. She just doesn't seem
to appreciate it. And when she does
get her way, she just goes along like
it was expected. She takes me for
granted. I wonder what she'd do if
I broke up with her. I sure am tempted,
after that scene in the store. What
should I do?
Thanks, Richard"
----------------------------------------------------------
Wow. What a story.
In my course and main resource, I
talk about some of the acting out
behavior that a loved one with
borderline personality disorder
will do. And sometimes it's right
in public!
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
Well, this "tantrum" behavior is not
uncommon in someone who has
borderline personality disorder.
They do want things to go their way.
It's part of their disorder.
If something does not go their way,
it causes them to feel insecure and
even threatened - even anxious and
stressed, or angry.
When they get in this state, they are
bound to react (sometimes even
over-react).
It stems from unmet needs when
they were a child.
Well, you would think that as an
adult, they would realize that they
can't always get their way, but
most of them don't.
Sometimes they can't control their
behavior, because the reaction is
too strong.
When they feel as if they are in a
corner, they react like a trapped
animal, and will come out fighting.
It may even be in public, in a way
that really embarrasses you.
I know of this one couple, where
they were at a garage sale.
She was looking at a vacuum
cleaner.
From across the driveway,
everyone could hear her husband
say, "What are you looking at a
vacuum cleaner for? You never
vacuum."
She was so embarrassed.
First of all, that he would say
something like that.
And second, that he would do
it with people all around.
She just hung her head and went
back to the car.
There were other times when he
would do the same thing, only
worse - he would throw a complete
tantrum if he didn't get it his way.
That's what this guy in the email
was saying as well.
You may be experiencing the same
thing.
So what can you do?
Too many supporters just take it,
without doing anything about it,
which only encourages this behavior
to continue.
You need to talk to your loved one
if they are behaving this way, because
you do NOT have to put up with
childish tantrums.
Set a boundary that if your loved one
acts that way, that you will [whatever]
(a negative consequence).
Tell them how embarrassed you are.
Tell them how frustrating and stressful
it is to be with someone who has to
have their own way all the time.
Try to get them to see your side of
things.
If you were the man in the email,
how would you deal with the situation?
How do you deal with your own
situation?
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter Want your own copy of these
daily bipolar emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3
Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml