Borderline Supporter? Have Reasonable Post-Holiday Expectations
Published: Mon, 01/25/10
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope you're having a great
day.
You know, it's not just those
with borderline personality
disorder that experience
disappointment.
It can happen to supporters,
too.
You don't even have to have
borderline personality disorder
to experience it.
You experience disappointment
any time you have unreasonable
expectations.
For example, if your loved one
has been in treatment for awhile
now, but they are still not where
you want them to be stability-wise.
That's having an unrealistic
expectation.
Your loved one may be exactly
where they need to be in their
recovery.
(No matter how you feel about
it.)
Especially after the holidays.
You may be wanting that holiday
excitement to last, and feel let
down that it doesn't.
Instead, you need to remember
that there is usually a let-down after
the holidays.
In my main course and resource, I talk
about watching for patterns in your
loved one.
Then you can have reasonable
expectations that, given the same set
of circumstances, the same thing
will happen again.
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Think back to last year.
Did your loved one get depressed
after the holidays?
Did they experience post-holiday
let-down?
Then it is reasonable to assume that
they will go through the same thing
this year.
It's a matter of patterns.
Like my mom, for example.
I have learned over the years that
this is the hardest time of the year
for her.
So I watch her extra close, to
make sure she doesn't go into an
episode.
You may have to do the same
thing.
What happened last year?
How did your loved one act after
Christmas was over?
Did they feel the let-down that
so many others with borderline
personality disorder feel?
Did they get depressed?
Or did they take it in stride?
Even look forward to the new
year?
Whatever happened last year can
be a good indicator of what will
happen this year as well.
On the other hand, if your loved
one has been working on themselves
in therapy, you might expect them
to be able to handle things a little
better this year than they did last
year.
Same with you...
It's all in your expectations.
If you felt let down last year after
Christmas, then you can expect
that you'll feel that way this year
too...
Unless you do something different
this year.
And what you can do different
is to have more realistic
expectations.
Are you or your loved one feeling
let down now after the holidays?
Then be more realistic about
your expectations.
And try to keep positive in your
attitude.
Even look forward to the new
year!
How was this year different for
you than last year was?
Your Friend,
Dave
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