Borderline? Understanding Holiday Behavior
Published: Thu, 12/17/09
Hi ,
How are you doing today?
I hope you're having a great
day.
This may not have happened
to you, but it does happen to
a lot of people with borderline
personality disorder:
Arguments with relatives at
holiday time.
Maybe not even a full-fledged
argument, but a disagreement or
a difference of opinion.
This could be for several
reasons:
1. Your loved one is over-
excited because of the
holiday.
2. Your loved one is overly
irritable or agitated by
being around their extended
family.
3. Your loved one is not used
to being around all these
people, even though they
are family.
4. Your loved one (because of
their borderline personality
disorder) is overly critical.
5. Your loved one may get
angry over something taken
out of proportion.
6. There may be alcohol
involved.
Many people with borderline personality
disorder get more agitated around
holiday time.
In my main course and resource below,
I offer suggestions on how to deal with
your loved one's behavior at the holidays:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
If your loved one is normally
a sort of controlling person,
you can probably expect that
that behavior will increase
over the holidays.
If they are normally short-
tempered, you can probably
expect that to be triggered
as well.
Unfortunately, if they sometimes
criticize you, they may do this
in front of other people.
Other borderline acting out
behavior may occur due to the
holidays as well.
Behavior such as:
1. Increased excitement
2. Increased criticism.
3. Increased anger.
4. Increased irritability
or bad moods.
5. Increased agitation.
6. Increased accusatory
behavior.
7. Increased paranoia
8. Increased splitting
behavior
9. Increased impulsivity
10. Increased mood swings
11. Increased push/pull
behavior
12. Increased fighting.
All of these things can happen
over the holidays due to increased
stress on your loved one.
Increased excitement can lead
to increased stress and then
acting out behavior occurs
because of it.
Splitting, if you recall, is when
your loved one sees everything
in black and white terms (no
gray, no compromise).
Therefore, if something happens
and they believe they are right,
no amount of talking will convince
them otherwise, and this can
cause problems at a family
gathering, as well as with you.
There can also be an increase
in your loved one's "push/pull"
behavior, which is when they
love you one minute and hate
you the next.
In a family gathering (or other
gathering or event) this can be
expressed toward others as well
as you.
There can also be an increase
in their accusations toward you.
For example, they may feel
that you flirted with someone
at the gathering/party, and take
it out on you when you get home.
This doesn't mean that you
actually did the behavior, but
that your loved one PERCEIVES
the behavior.
Another reason for acting out
behavior on your loved one's
part over the holidays is that if
they feel threatened in any way,
they will respond defensively.
This is usually in a negative way,
leading to the increased fights
I was talking about earlier.
The holidays should be special,
and they should be enjoyable.
By watching for these increased
behaviors in your loved one, you
should be able to talk to them about
their behavior and put a stop to it.
You should already have boundaries
established with your loved one, and
they need to know that the limits are
to be respected even around holiday
time.
Also, try to keep stress to a minimum,
so that your loved one's acting out
behavior will be kept to a
minimum as well.
Think about what happened last
year at holiday time.
Did your loved one act out?
What did you do?
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter Want your own copy of these
daily bipolar emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3
Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml