Using Reinforcement for Borderline Behavior
Published: Wed, 12/30/09
Hi ,
How's it going today?
I hope it's a good day for you.
Have you ever heard about the
research study on Pavlov's dogs?
This was where they trained a
bunch of dogs using a certain
time of technique called
REINFORCEMENT.
They would ring a bell to signal
when it was time for the dogs to
eat.
So the dogs would learn that
every time the bell rang, they
would get food.
In this case, the reinforcement
was the bell as a signal, with
food as the reward.
Eventually, the dogs would
salivate as soon as they heard
the bell, because they knew it
meant they would get food.
Why am I telling you all this?
I'm not saying that your loved
one with borderline personality
disorder is like a dog, of course
not.
But I am saying that they can
learn how to stop using negative
behaviors by this same type of
method called reinforcement.
This has to do with your setting
boundaries or limits.
Say there is a particular borderline
behavior that your loved one does
a lot, and you want them to stop
doing it.
Let's say it's...yelling at you and
calling you names.
Because the problem is that their
behavior is so unpredictable, so
that you never know when they're
going to yell at you and call you
names, you need to set a boundary
or limit for them.
And that boundary or limit has to
have a negative consequence to
it.
That would be in the reinforcement
category.
So you would tell your loved one,
"I don't like it when you yell and
call me names. So every time you
yell and call me names, I'm going
to leave."
What happens the next time your
loved one yells and calls you names?
Scroll down for answer.
Keep scrolling...
Keep scrolling...
Ok, here's what you have to do -
you have to leave.
You may not want to, and at first
it may be uncomfortable for you
to do.
But it may be the only way to get
your loved one to stop this
negative behavior.
Here's the key about leaving, though.
You MUST do it.
And you must do it EVERY time
your loved one yells and calls you
names.
Then, just like Pavlov's dogs, they
will learn to associate the two things.
In other words:
a. They yell and call you names
b. You leave.
Your leaving is a negative reinforcement
of their unacceptable behavior.
If you stay, it's because they are
behaving correctly, and that would be
a positive reinforcement.
It will take a lot of reinforcement and
repetition for this to work, and you may
not be comfortable with it for awhile.
But like I talk about in my main course
and resource, consistency is the way to
recovery for your loved one.
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
Your loved one will eventually
learn to CHOOSE not to react
that way, because they don't
like the consequences.
And, even better, they will
eventually CHOOSE not to exhibit
the negative behavior, because
they want the positive reinforcement.
So that's why you shouldn't feel
so bad about using this method.
It's not so that you can be in
control over them...
It's for them to learn to take
control for themselves.
To make good choices.
To act in an acceptable
manner.
To learn to control their acting
out behavior.
Because they want to, because
they don't want to have to pay
the consequences.
Then both of you benefit by
having a better relationship.
Have you used this method in
the past with your loved one?
How did it work?
Your Friend,
Dave
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