Borderline? Is This Possible?
Published: Wed, 02/03/10
Hi ,
How's it going?
I hope you're doing well.
I know this couple, and they
credit being friends and being
polite to each other with the
reason they have such a good
marriage.
I understand about the being
friends, part, but being polite
all the time?
Is this possible?
Especially when you're dealing
with a loved one with borderline
personality disorder?
Well, I'll give you a hint.
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This couple I'm talking about
BOTH have bipolar disorder!
So is possible to be polite even
if one of the people has a mental
illness.
But I'll tell you what.
I'm not so sure it would be as
easy as this couple makes it
sound.
In fact, I think it would be
downright impossible
sometimes, don't you?
In my main course and resource
I talk about fighting fair, but even
that is hard to do:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
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It's hard to be polite to someone
who is yelling at you!
But if you can at least stay calm,
you will have the advantage.
Maybe we should just replace
"being polite" with "staying
calm."
Now that might work.
Try to be as polite as you can
all the time, but in times of
acting out behavior, just stay
calm.
That way you won't yell or
scream back and egg on the
fight (which you will lose
anyway, because your loved
one will always think they're
right).
Staying calm, like I said,
gives you the advantage.
You have to think clear and
rational, because your loved
one won't necessarily be
thinking clear and rational
when they are acting out.
When they are in a normal
period, yes, I can see being
polite to each other.
You would be polite to a
stranger, wouldn't you?
So why not with your loved
one?
I'm not saying to fake being
nice or anything.
In fact, if you have something
that you're feeling angry or
resentful against your loved
one about, you need to talk
to them.
All I'm saying is that I think
you will get further with your
point if it is made in a kind,
pleasant, and calm manner.
There's an old saying (I think
it's Southern) that you can
attract more flies with honey
than with vinegar.
Try to be nice.
But still express your feelings.
Try to keep the anger and
resentment out of your
statement, as well as the
blaming.
Blaming won't get you very
far either.
So you might say something
like:
"I love you, but I'm concerned
about something."
Then tell them what you're
concerned about.
Do you think this method
will work?
Have you tried it?
Your Friend,
Dave
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