Borderline Supporter? Pick a Phrase, Any Phrase
Published: Mon, 02/08/10
Hi ,
How's it going?
Have you ever seen two people
try to have a discussion, when
one of the people doesn't speak
English?
They try to communicate using
gestures and broken sentences.
The point is, that they have a hard
time understanding each other.
In other words, there is a communication
breakdown, even though from all
appearances, to an outsider who can't
hear, it seems like they are communicating.
That's kind of what happens when
you're in a relationship with someone
who has borderline personality disorder.
You speak different languages.
For example, you may have been held
up at work and arrive home a bit late.
Next thing you know, your loved one is
accusing you of having an affair with
your boss or someone at the office.
Or:
You say something, and your loved one
reacts with anger.
And even though you know you didn't
mean for it to make them angry (in fact,
it was probably an innocent comment
that they are taking out of proportion),
the next thing you know, they are
raging at you.
You are speaking different languages.
When someone with borderline
personality disorder feels stressed
or threatened, they begin to act out
as a way of self-defense.
That's when their symptoms appear.
Like the anger and rage, irrationality,
impulsive behaviors, etc., and all the
other symptoms that I list in my main
course and resource below:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
That's when they start the name calling,
criticism, blaming, degrading, humiliation,
etc., toward you.
They can say something to you that hurts
you to the core, but they won't understand
when you react with hurt, or even tears.
Because they are speaking a different
language.
There are 3 things you can do about
this:
1. As I've talked about before in
other emails, you need to separate
your loved one from their
borderline personality disorder.
Remember what they're like when they
are NOT acting out.
That can take the sting out of some of
their behavior.
2. Try to speak their language.
Learn as much as you can about borderline
personality disorder, so that you can
understand why your loved one is acting
the way they are.
That way, when you understand why
they act that way, you can cope and
deal with it better (understand their
language).
3. Pick a phrase that soothes you
during their acting out behavior
When your loved one is in an episode
of acting out behavior, they may go
to the degree of raging at you, or even
verbally abusing you.
During those times, you need to have
a defense ready.
One thing you can do is to have phrases
that you can repeat in your head (that
can even "drown out" what your loved
one is saying).
Here are some examples:
"I love [him/her]."
"I am going to stay with [him/her] no
matter what."
"This is just the borderline talking."
"I am ok."
"I do not believe any of this."
"I am not the things he/she is calling me."
I'm sure you get the idea, and that you
can think of more on your own.
These are phrases that:
1. Keep you from being hurt
2. Reinforce who/what you are
(and are NOT)
3. Keep your self-esteem intact
4. Stop you from getting angry
and saying or doing the wrong
thing
5. Help you not to provoke your
loved one when they are raging
at you, and/or not to fight back
6. Give you a "reality check"
when you need one
7. Keep you from getting stressed
out and/or your anxiety level
from going up
8. Help you cope and deal with your
loved one and their borderline
personality disorder better
Eventually, as your loved one gets better,
you won't need these phrases as a defense.
As your loved one improves in their
recovery, you will both begin speaking
the same language.
Have you ever tried thinking a phrase in
your head when your loved one is yelling
at you?
What phrase or phrases have worked
for you?
Your Friend,
Dave
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml