Dealing with Borderline? What Are You Comparing To?
Published: Wed, 05/26/10
Hi ,
How's it going?
Hope you are doing well.
You know what's funny?
I've been hearing a lot lately about the way
people compare themselves to others.
I can't see why.
It's like comparing apples and oranges,
as they say.
That is to say, it's like comparing two
things that can't be compared accurately
with each other.
Each person is different, and that's a
good thing.
After all, we wouldn't want everyone to
be the same, right?
I know I sure wouldn't.
So we shouldn't be comparing ourselves
to others expecting to be the same as
someone else.
It just doesn't make sense.
All it's going to do is make us feel bad
about ourselves.
Basically, it's not worth it.
Some of the ways I've been hearing people
compare themselves to others lately are
fairly common (I guess).
I've heard girls compare their how their
bodies would look in a swim suit to the
way those other girls look.
This usually leads to poor self esteem.
I've heard guys compare their cars to each
other's cars.
Now, maybe the cars themselves can be
compared.
But I think the underlying issue here is
more comparing the decision making
process that led to getting the car.
So it ends up that instead of comparing
cars, they are actually comparing
themselves to each other.
But the one type of comparing that I've
heard the most of - and it happens to be
the one that means the most to me - is a
person with borderline personality
disorder comparing themselves to people
without it.
I don't even know how to express how
detrimental that is to their health!
It can affect the entire recovery process -
and not in a good way, either.
And, once again, it's like comparing apples
and oranges.
The two just can't be compared.
There are ways that a person who doesn't
have borderline personality disorder is
capable of doing more.
Then again, there are also ways that a
person with borderline personality
disorder is capable of doing more.
The same could be said about quality of
work, and creative processes.
That's just the way life works.
We shouldn't compare ourselves to others,
regardless of the situation we're in.
I know we feel the need to compare
ourselves to something.
Everyone needs this at some point or
another.
I've got a better solution to fill this need.
Instead of comparing yourself to others,
compare yourself to your own past.
That way you can learn from it.
If you are doing better than you used to
do, then pay attention to how you are doing
better, and why you are doing better.
If you are doing worse than you used to
do, then pay attention to how you are doing
worse, and why you are doing worse.
Most likely, you will be doing better in
some areas and worse in others.
Another thing to ask yourself is what tools
you have learned along the way, and how
they have helped you.
These tools can be coping techniques,
learning processes, or many other things.
Another thing you can do by comparing
your present state to your past is to ask
yourself what you can take from your
experiences to make the future better?
What lessons, coping skills, or goals can
you use to make life easier and better
for you in the future?
Think about how helpful this could be
the next time you feel the need to compare
yourself.
You just might be surprised by how much
it makes a difference,
Your Friend,
Dave
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