Borderline? This Makes Sense (Believe it or Not)
Published: Mon, 07/19/10
Hi ,
How's it going?
Hope you are doing well.
A friend told me something interesting
the other day.
At first it didn't make sense.
I had to ask him to explain what he meant.
But once he explained, it really made
sense to me.
And I think it's something that most of us
could use in life.
This is what he told me:
"We should help each other with our
burdens, but we all carry our own by
ourselves."
Like I said, at first it seems contradictory.
But after a while, when you stop to think
about it, it makes sense.
Help with the things that are hard in life
is always a good thing.
But at the same time, we all need to take
responsibility for our own lives.
For someone with borderline personality
disorder, this is what this means:
If you can get help from a supporter or a
service, that is great.
If you can help someone else out with what
you learned, that is also great.
But when it comes down to it, you are the
only one who is responsible for your own
recovery.
If you are a supporter, this is what this
means to you:
You can help your loved one out with
their borderline personality disorder in
any way you can, and that's great.
Occasionally, they might even help you
out with problems that you have, and that's
great, too.
But when it comes down to it, there are
times when you have to step back and let
them make their own decisions about their
recovery.
After all, it is their recovery, not yours.
I know, sometimes it can be hard to
remember that.
Trust me, I know.
And there is nothing wrong with wanting
to help out in any way possible.
There isn't even anything wrong with
wanting to fix it all.
That is, as long as you realize that you
can't just "fix it."
As long as you realize that you can't be
the only one putting effort into their
recovery.
If they don't want to recover, then anything
you do will be pointless, no matter how
hard you try.
If they want to fix a few things, but they
don't want to go through the effort of
working on everything, then you will only
be able to help them in the areas that they
are willing to work on.
If, on the other hand, they are willing to
work on everything as long as it is in a
manageable form, then you can help them
along with the process.
A good place to start is by helping them
keep their recovery plan reasonable and
manageable.
Help them to break up larger goals into
smaller steps.
Help them realize that they don't have to
work on everything all at once.
You may even need to remind them that
they are not going to recover overnight,
no matter how hard they try.
Taking on responsibility for ourselves can
be a challenging thing.
Sometimes we feel like it would be so
much easier if it would just go away, or
if someone else could deal with it for us.
While those thoughts are nice, we need to
remember that they are just thoughts, and
that reality doesn't actually work that way.
Accept the help you get; there is nothing
wrong with getting help.
Don't be afraid to help others to the best
of your ability.
But in the end, take responsibility for
yourself.
What are your thoughts on this?
Your Friend,
Dave
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