Use This Borderline Technique to Cope
Published: Wed, 07/21/10
Hi ,
How are you today?
I hope you're having a good day.
Do you ever have one of those days
when everything goes wrong?
I mean everything?
Nothing goes according to plan.
Like you start off late and you never
seem to be able to catch up.
First you can't find your keys.
Then you can't get the car to start.
Then it takes forever for the car guy
to come.
That makes you late for work.
You finally get to work, but you're
already behind.
Then you can't find an important file.
By the time you find it, it's too late.
Then you forget about that 1:00 conference
call.
You know, that really important one.
Forget lunch - you didn't have time for
it, anyway.
But your stomach never forgot it -
And now it's letting you know big time.
So you opt for that quickie fast food
hamburger...
Which you pay for an hour later.
Now you're behind in your work, and
your stomach is killing you.
You finally make it through work, and
you can't wait to just get home and
relax.
Surprise!
Your car won't start again!
So you get the car guy out again to
fix it.
This time he tells you that it doesn't
just need a jump, but that you need a
whole new battery.
And here you are, a week away from
getting your next paycheck.
Finally, you make it home.
Somehow, you had a power failure
while you were gone.
It doesn't help to find out that your
whole block lost power - it only
matters that you did.
So you have to go out to get something
to eat - not exactly something you can
afford.
But what choice do you have?
Pizza? Again?
Do you see where I'm going with this?
You know, one of THOSE days!
The kind of day that you wish you never
woke up for.
Or you wish you could at least go back
to sleep and start over.
I know, you're probably asking yourself
what any of this has to do with
borderline personality disorder, right?
Well, I'll tell you.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a
special type of therapy designed
specifically for people who have
borderline personality disorder.
I talk about it in my main course and
resource:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
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http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
In DBT, there is a part of it called
"mindfulness."
In mindfulness, you learn about "living
in the moment."
What you learn is to cope and deal with
things the way that they are instead of the
way that you would want them to be.
So, like on one of THOSE days...
You just deal with whatever the situation
is confronting you...
Exactly the way it is, not the way you
would like it to be.
You deal with reality.
Mindfulness, by keeping you in the
moment, keeps you more reality based.
So, for example, in dealing with your
loved one...
There may be something (or even many
things) about them that you would want
to change...
But with mindfulness, you look at it
differently.
You take your loved one just the way
they are, instead of the way you would
like them to be.
And you learn to deal and cope with them
just that way.
It may be harder, but at least you're
looking at things realistically.
Because, in reality, you can't change
anyone, anyway.
They have to be willing to change themselves.
And that should be something that your
loved one should be doing in therapy.
In fact, if they are in DBT themselves, they
should be learning about mindfulness, too.
What do you think about this technique?
Do you think it could work for you?
Your Friend,
Dave
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