Borderline Disorder? What About These?
Published: Thu, 06/17/10
Hi ,
How's it going?
Hope you are doing well.
I was talking to someone who has
borderline personality disorder yesterday.
He said that he felt "much too old to have
made this little progress in life."
Mind you, he's only in his 20's.
So in some ways, I took it as a joke at
first.
But then, as the conversation went on, I
realized just how serious he was.
Because he was in his mid-twenties
already, he was convinced that he should
have graduated from college - at least
with a bachelor's degree - by now.
He was convinced he should be well on
his way to saving up for a house, instead
of left unable to save anything due to his
bipolar spending habits.
He was convinced that he should have a
car, or at least a driver's license, by now.
Well, maybe that last part was true.
But then again, everyone is different, so
maybe not.
He was talking to me about how he was
making goals at this point to do all those
things.
He wanted to graduate from college with
a master's degree in social work.
He wanted to buy a house.
He wanted to learn to drive and buy a car -
a new car, at that.
He wanted to get into a stable relationship
with someone and have it last because he
knew how to handle relationships.
Ultimately, he wanted stability.
And, he told me, he planned on using the
techniques that I had taught him for
implementing the goals in his daily life.
Well, that's great!
All of those goals are good things.
And, honestly, I wish him the best.
But I had some advice for him, which
fortunately, he took very seriously.
I told him that his patterns of thoughts
and beliefs had as much to do with meeting
his goals as his actions did.
Now, when I say beliefs, I'm not
necessarily talking about spiritual beliefs.
I'm talking about what you believe you can
do, and what you believe about the world
around you.
I explained to him that thoughts, beliefs,
and actions all go hand-in-hand.
When you can get your thoughts and your
beliefs to line up with your goals, then
your actions will follow.
Now, I'm no scientist.
I'm not entirely sure why this works.
But I have seen it in action, and I know
that it does work.
If you can convince yourself that you can
do something, then you will be much
more likely to successfully go through
the steps to do it.
Now, this is different from that old phrase,
"you can do anything you set your mind
to."
The reason it's different is this:
You can set your mind to, say, buying a
house.
But if you don't set your mind to saving
for a house, it's never going to happen.
You have to set your thoughts and beliefs
towards not just the end product, but also
the necessary steps along the way.
And you have to set your mind towards
persevering no matter what, because you
never know what life is going to throw
at you next.
Then, once your thoughts and beliefs are
in the right direction, you have to actually
do it.
At that point, it shouldn't be that hard.
At least not impossible, anyway.
It's not too late for him to start working
on his goals (no matter how much he
feels he should have gotten there already.)
It's never too late for you to start working
on yours.
Just remember, whatever you set your
thoughts and beliefs to you can do, as
long as you set your thoughts and
beliefs realistically to do the necessary
steps along the way as well.
What are your thoughts on that?
Your Friend,
Dave
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