Pretending with Borderline Personality Disorder
Published: Mon, 08/23/10
Hi,
How's it going for you today?
I hope today is a good day for you.
Remember when you were little and
played Let's Pretend?
You might have pretended that you
were a ballerina...
Or a cowboy...
Or that your dog was your horse...
Or that your coffee table was your
spaceship...
Or that something handy was your
gun to kill the aliens...
Or you dressed up in mommy's
clothes and pretended to be an
adult...
Or any number of things.
That's what children do.
They pretend.
It's part of their growing up experience.
But as they get older, they learn that
Let's Pretend is only a game.
As they get older, they learn that
reality is a serious thing, and that
they have to learn to face it.
Those that don't, have serious
problems.
One of the things that I talk about in
my main course and resource is that
you have to face your problems. That's
why I give problem-solving suggestions:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
Let's Pretend no longer works when
you're dealing with borderline personality
disorder.
Your loved one may act like it sometimes,
though.
They may act out in all kinds of ways that
hurt you, then seem like they're pretending
that it doesn't bother them at all.
Even if it hurts you deeply.
They may go into a rage over something
you have no idea about - yet they are
screaming and yelling at you that it's all
your fault, and you know what you did
(when you don't), and blame you and call
you names, degrade and humiliate you,
and do all sorts of things during their rage.
They may pretend that they have all kinds
of rights to do what they're doing - mostly,
thinking that they're right and that you're
wrong (even if you're right), and think that
they are thoroughly justified in acting the
way that they are acting.
It doesn't matter to them at the time how
you feel or how what they are doing is
affecting you.
This is their disorder acting out.
Or, more specifically, this is their disorder
causing them to act out.
But it can seem to you as if they really know
exactly what they are doing and are doing it
on purpose to hurt you, pretending that they
have no idea that they are actually hurting
you.
Let's face it, Let's Pretend doesn't work when
you're an adult.
Especially an adult with borderline personality
disorder.
Your behavior truly affects your supporter and
anyone else you care about, whether you are
aware of it or not.
Some supporters still play Let's Pretend, too.
They are in denial.
They put up with their loved one's unacceptable
behavior, thinking to themselves that it's ok.
That's a sort of Let's Pretend that isn't healthy
at all.
Let's Pretend that everything's ok when it
really isn't, is what they're really doing.
Like I said, that's denial.
It may help them feel better for a little
while, but not for long, as the unacceptable
behavior will always repeat itself.
Like the fighting I was talking about earlier.
These supporters who pretend that everything's
ok when it isn't...
They believe their loved one when she says
that everything is their fault...
That everything would be ok if it weren't for
them (the supporter)...
They (the supporter) accept the blame for
everything, even though they should know
better.
They (the supporter) accept the names they
are called... even believing some of them.
In other words, they don't fight back.
Now, I'm not saying to fight back during a
fight.
In fact, I always advise against it, as it will
cause your loved one to get worse.
But I'm saying to fight back in the sense of
standing up for yourself at least in your
mind - do NOT believe false accusations
just because your loved one is hurling them
at you. Do NOT believe you are what they
say you are just because they say it. And if
you are right, continue to believe you are
right, no matter how much they say you are
wrong (or whether you let them believe they
are right just to end the fight).
If you have been playing Let's Pretend...
STOP IT! Face up to reality. Don't fall into
your loved one's games. Believe the truth,
and let it rule you.
What do you think?
Has this been happening to you?
What are you doing about it?
Your Friend,
Dave
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help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml