Having Your Say So With Borderline
Published: Tue, 10/05/10
Hi ,
How are things going for you?
I hope they're going well.
You know, if you keep things
inside and let them build up,
that's not a good thing for you.
If you hold everything in,
letting it build up, it can even
make you physically ill, if not
emotionally sick.
For example, it can lead to stress,
which can lead to ulcers and
migraine headaches.
It can affect your sleep as well,
leading to problems with getting
to sleep, insomnia, and staying
asleep once you get to sleep.
It can lead to a lowering of your
immune system, which can lead
to all kinds of things, such as
infections and colds.
All because you hold things in.
You have to find a way to let
your emotions out, so this does
not happen to you.
Call it "having your say so" with
borderline personality disorder.
In other words, like I say in my
main course and resource, you
need to learn how to communicate
with your loved one who has
borderline personality disorder:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
It's a necessity.
Unfortunately, too many supporters
don't do this, and end up sick, like
I was talking about before.
Why?
Because they're afraid.
That's why they end up walking
around on eggshells.
They're afraid of saying or doing
something wrong and setting off their
loved one.
Then their loved one might get angry
and turn on them in a rage and do all
sorts of things, yelling and screaming
at them, calling them names, etc.
A person with borderline personality
disorder, in an episode of acting out
behavior, is apt to do many things,
like:
- get angry and rage
- yell and scream
- call you names
- humiliate you
- degrade you
- criticize you
- ignore you
- throw things
- throw a tantrum
- accuse you of things
- fight with you
- etc.
And you have all kinds of feelings
because of these acting out behaviors.
In addition to the feelings you may
normally have.
It's a lot to carry around inside you.
You need to let it out.
How?
By talking with your loved one.
Oh, not when they are in an episode
of acting out behavior, of course.
But choose a time when they are not
in an episode of acting out behavior,
when they are in a normal period, and
are willing to listen to you.
Try to catch them in a good mood, in
other words.
Tell them that you need to talk with
them about something that is important
to you.
That should give them some indication,
at least that it's important to you.
That will make them pay attention,
at least.
Try to be gentle and non-threatening,
so they aren't defensive, as this could
lead to a fight, which is what you don't
want to happen.
Use "I" sentences instead of "you"
sentences.
In other words, stick to "I feel" instead
of "You always" or "You never," which
come off as accusing them, making them
get defensive.
If you stick to "I feel" (followed by a
feeling word, and not the words "that you"
which again, is accusatory) you can most
likely avoid a fight and get your feelings
across to your loved one.
Another way to couch your feelings is in
a framework of "When you... then I..."
For example, "When you call me names,
then I feel hurt."
You are telling your loved one that, as a
result of something they do, you feel a
negative feeling, but you are saying it in
a way that does not come off as threatening,
so they are less likely to become defensive
and get mad at you.
There are ways to have your say so
with borderline so that you don't have
to make yourself sick by keeping
everything inside all the time -
you just have to do it in a certain way.
Have you found ways to have your
say so?
What has worked for you?
Your Friend,
Dave
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml