If Borderline Doesn't Kill You…
Published: Mon, 08/09/10
Hi ,
How's it going for you today?
I hope it's a good day for you.
Have you ever heard the expression,
"If something doesn't kill you, it just
makes you stronger."
Well, as it relates to borderline personality
disorder...
If borderline doesn't kill you...
Then it must make you stronger!
Think about it like a war.
It's like borderline personality disorder
is out to defeat your loved one and you.
So you've got to be stronger, so that
you can defeat it.
That's why I talk so much about
strategies in my main course and
resource on borderline personality disorder:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
In a war, you have to have strategies
to win.
Plans in case of eventualities - you have
to have Plan A and Plan B in case Plan A
doesn't work - you have to have backup
plans and strategies.
You have to get stronger against your
enemy, and in this case, borderline personality
disorder is your enemy, not your loved
one (although it can seem that way
sometimes).
There are some things that you have to
put up with just by being a supporter to a
loved one with borderline personality
disorder.
Like their mood swings. You don't know
what kind of mood they will be in when
they come in that door, and that can be
frustrating sometimes.
But you put up with it because you care
about them. You do, because otherwise
you wouldn't be with them.
But there are some behaviors that you
just shouldn't tolerate.
For example, violence is a behavior that
should never be tolerated.
And you should set down boundaries and
consequences for breaking those boundaries,
because you shouldn't have to put up with
violence.
One of the characteristic behaviors associated
with borderline personality disorder is
rage.
And rage can turn so easily into violence.
Still, you should not have to tolerate it.
So be strong, and tell your loved one that
you will not tolerate violence against you,
and that is a boundary that cannot be crossed
or that you will leave (or whatever consequence
you set down).
You should be able to share your feelings
as well.
Feelings are neither right nor wrong - they
just are.
And the more you are able to share your
feelings, the stronger you will get.
Hopefully, you are able to share your feelings
with your loved one at this point.
If you aren't, set aside a time when you
think your loved one might be open to listening
to you, and try to share your feelings with
them.
Remember, the idea is to make you stronger,
not to put the blame on them for anything -
just to share your feelings.
So you want to stick to I statements as much
as possible.
For example, "When you yell at me, I feel
hurt."
This is a positive way to express your
feelings.
It forces your loved one to take responsibility
for their action and, hopefully, acknowledge
your feelings at the same time.
You're not pointing the finger of blame at
them, you're just saying that WHEN they
do that, this is how you feel.
Hopefully, this will open up the lines of
communication for you.
But you should at least feel empowered to
talk to your loved one, and you should feel
stronger just with the effort.
How do you get stronger?
By going through adversity and coming
out on the other side.
It's our trials that make us stronger.
I'm not saying to fight with your loved one
and try to win to get stronger, don't get me
wrong.
I'm not saying that at all.
I'm just saying that living with a loved one
who has borderline personality disorder
is a trial.
And all you can do is your best.
There is much adversity that comes with
being in a relationship with a loved one
with borderline personality disorder,
and as you overcome this adversity, it
will inherently make you stronger.
Just keep doing your best to deal with
things as they come along, and before
you know it, you'll realize that you've
become strong somewhere along the
way.
Your Friend,
Dave
===>> Great Resources For You <===
Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter Want your own copy of these
daily bipolar emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3
Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml