Borderline: No More Walking Around On This
Published: Mon, 01/10/11
Hi ,
How's it going for you today?
I hope you're having a good day.
I know there's a very popular book on
borderline personality disorder called
"Stop Walking on Eggshells" that a lot of
people have read.
Today I want to talk about that.
You know, it's true, whether you're
talking about borderline personality
disorder, bipolar disorder, or just mental
illness in general - you don't have to walk
around on eggshells all the time, afraid.
That is...
IF you do certain things.
IF you watch your loved one's signs/symptoms
and watch for patterns of flare-ups, and
catch them before they get out of hand.
IF your loved one is actively working on
managing their borderline personality disorder.
IF your loved one is following a good, solid
treatment plan.
IF both you and your loved one have a good
strong support system.
IF your loved one is taking good care of
themselves in ALL areas:
That means taking their medication, following
a healthy diet and exercise regimen, getting
the right amount of good sleep, and seeing
their psychiatrist and therapist on a regular
basis.
IF you are taking care of yourself as well,
taking your own medication if you have it,
using your support system, eating and sleeping
right, and exercising (even if it's just walking).
It also means that you keep yourself well-
balanced - emotionally, mentally, physically,
and spiritually.
Both you and your loved one have to stay as
stress-free as possible as well.
I go over all this in detail in my main
course and resource below:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
But let me tell you one thing -
It's about one of the people that work
for me - she doesn't just have bipolar
disorder, she also has borderline personality
disorder.
And she went to this class on Dialectical Behavioral
Therapy (DBT).
In DBT, as you may know, you learn in what
are called modules about things like core mindfulness,
interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation skills,
and distress toleration skills.
But this woman who works for me told me that none
of this helped her or her supporter to be able to stop
walking around on eggshells until she (he) started to
do the things I talked about before, and one more thing:
Until she CHANGED HER ATTITUDE!
So that's the other thing you have to do.
IF you change your attitude, and stop thinking
things like, "I'll ALWAYS be this way...I'll NEVER
get better..."
...you'll always be walking on eggshells.
You'll always carry around that fear with you.
Fear doesn't go away until you do something
proactive to get rid of it.
All those things I talked about earlier are proactive
things that you can do.
They are all things that you can do yourself to
take care of yourself.
In other words, they aren't things that come in
a pill...
Or things that a doctor would prescribe.
The greatest part of getting better from borderline
personality disorder has to come from your own
effort (your loved one's effort).
They are the one who has to do the changing
involved.
And the biggest part, like the woman who works
for me found out, is that you have to be willing
to change in order to get better.
DBT is a wonderful therapy, but it can only
work if you are willing to change.
And if you are willing to work hard to do the
work necessary to learn the skills you need to
learn to get better from borderline personality
disorder.
But if, on the other hand, your loved one is
willing to do what they need to do, and if
they are willing to change, go through the
therapy, etc., then you wouldn't have to be
afraid of them or their borderline behavior
any more - you wouldn't have to be walking
around on eggshells any more.
You would have to be aware that there
would be some changes, however.
Your loved one would be making changes
in themselves and their behavior.
Although these would (hopefully) be good
changes, they would still be new to you, so
you would need to be ready for them, and
be willing to adapt to them.
There will be a period of time when things
may be disrupted, as they (and you) get
used to these changes.
It may not be so easy.
They have been doing things the same way
for a very long time.
Now they are going to do things differently,
and like I said, some of it is going to be very
hard for them, some of it they may not like.
So there may still be some acting out behavior.
But it will be worth it in the end as you see
them get better and better.
What about you?
Are you willing to do some changing in order
for your loved one to change to get better?
Have you seen some changes in them as they
try to get better? What have they done?
Your Friend,
Dave
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through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml