Are you a Borderline Supporter? Is This You?
Published: Mon, 11/15/10
Hi,
How are you doing today?
I hope you're doing fine.
Let me tell you about Jamie.
Jamie's wife has borderline personality
disorder.
As you know, it is very difficult to be a
supporter to a loved one with the disorder.
Jamie found himself getting very depressed
over the things he had to deal with having
to be his wife's supporter -
The mood swings, the rages, the fights,
the name calling, the clinging, the pushing
away, the accusations, all of it.
He tried to deal with it as best he could,
but the depression just wouldn't go away.
Like depression, I talk about the negative
feelings a supporter is likely to feel in my
main course and resource below:
SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WITH BORDERLINE?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/report/
NEED HELP EXPLAINING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY?
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/explainingborderline/
Jamie got so concerned about his depression
that he went to see a professional about it.
He was worried that it was something serious.
He thought it might be Major Depressive Disorder
or Unipolar Depression.
What he was told instead was that he had what
is called Situational Depression.
This stemmed from the fact that he was in a
situation that was causing his depression.
He was told that as long as he was in that
situation he would stay depressed, unless he
found a way to cope with the situation, which
could lessen the depression.
In order to do this, he had to find the source
of the depression.
This was no easy task, since he felt like it
was the whole situation with his wife's
borderline personality disorder that was
causing it at first.
So he had to dig a little deeper.
He thought about what it was like before
he became depressed - after all, she had
her borderline personality disorder then,
too, but he was not depressed about it,
so what had changed?
He realized it was the fact that his wife
had stopped communicating with him,
except when they fought, and that wasn't
any kind of communication that he could
understand - she would just rant and rave.
His frustration was coming from the fact
that he could no longer understand why
she was doing the things that she was
doing.
He felt like everything he did was wrong,
no matter what it was.
He could shower her with praise, and she
would find something negative to say
about it.
He could be as nice as he could to her, and
yet she would be negative in return.
He would tell her he loved her, and she
would become suspicious.
He would walk around on eggshells, always
afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing
(or not saying or doing the right thing).
The closer he tried to get to his wife, the
further she tried to pull away.
He felt as if he were going in circles.
No wonder he felt depressed!
He remembered what the therapist had
said - that in order to come out of his
depression, he had to change his situation.
He had identified that the main problem
was lack of communication.
So one day, when his wife was in a pretty
good mood, he sat her down and shared
his thoughts and feelings with her, being
sure to tell her how much he loved her
and wanted to make things work.
But he also shared how her behavior
was making him feel depressed, and that
he wanted to change that.
They had a long talk that day, with both
of them sharing their thoughts and feelings,
and he got an insight into what was making
her do the things she was doing.
With that insight, he was able to understand
his wife like he hadn't been able to before.
They became even closer, and he felt he
could be an even better supporter and
husband.
Jamie's depression lifted slowly, as things
began to work themselves out.
They had many more talks as time went
on, in addition to that first talk.
His wife began to trust him more, since
he had been so understanding that first
time, and began to open up to him more
about the way she was feeling.
There were less fights, and more talking
and sharing.
Communication had definitely been the
key to unlocking the problems that Jamie
and his wife had been having.
This situation is not unusual.
It is very difficult for a person with
borderline personality disorder to open up
and trust even their supporter with their
innermost thoughts and feelings.
Their fear of abandonment keeps them
from trusting other people, even those
closest to them.
What about you?
Have you experienced depression like
Jamie did?
What happened?
Your Friend,
Dave
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Get More Help On Borderline Personality Disorder Don't forget to take a look
through the different programs I've put together... each one is designed to
help you with a different area of borderline personality disorder whether
you have it or you are supporting someone with it.
You can see them all and get the details by visiting:
http://www.borderlinecentral.com/offers.shtml